Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
