Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
