so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
