do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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