yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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