She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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