my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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