Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
