I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize