Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
