She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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