oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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