Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
