you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize