Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
