I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
