Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Randomize
