You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
