The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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