don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Alive.
So much puke
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
