textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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