Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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