I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
