He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We need to get me chipped asap
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
