were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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