worst night to have a conscience
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
