Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize