these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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