I molested 6 butterflies tonight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
