Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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