just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
