Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
