My pussy is not your playground.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
