Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
