Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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