I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
