i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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