It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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