Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
whose parrot is this?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
