he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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