Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
