im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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