it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
