you traded sex for a burrito?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize