life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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