I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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