shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
