She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
