Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
