So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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