How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
