you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
