Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
