Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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