my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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