Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
