I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
