Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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