I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
