she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize