I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
