So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
