Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
someone owes me an orgasm
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
