Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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