i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
