Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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