I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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